To fill you in on a few things over the past few weeks. Kane had a great week last week after his teacher suggested we let him bring JoJo to coherce him into making better choices, so apparently his love of JoJo makes him more managable. Apparently his love of JoJo(his pet stuffed bear) gives him a gentle push in the direction of the choice that doesn't find him sitting in time out in school. I guess he could care less if he is in timeout, but the same is not true if JoJo is threatened with time out.
Shannon botched a suprise puppy and so we ended up bringing the newest member of the family home early, an 8 week old German Shepard/Siberian Husky mix we have named Sascha which means "defender of mankind". I can say that so far the name fits the personality as she is larger then life like most puppies. As I speak she's dragging Shannon's planner away and attacking the pen in her hand, after Shannon removed the planner from in front of her to the couch Sascha went back to the pen. It too is now on the couch and Sascha's mouth has been relocated in a toy knot for now. The other dogs tolerate her but barely, no blood or continious yelping but lots of growls and general dog speak for "stop bothering me". By the time I finished this Sascha had given up on the toy knot and gone to Shannon's left foot.
I've learned that though my mind works in melting pot of metaphors, analogies, idioms and imagery the rest of the world speaks English and the meaning of my analogies isn't always so clear to them. It's hard to explain but here recently I was asked to describe how I felt about something and I responded "it's hard to say, the feeling is like a whisper in a large room". To me it was obvious the feeling seemed so far away it was hard for me to recongize what it was like a whisper in a large room. What I learned is that the person I was talking to didn't come to the same meaning. I guess that's why poetry and song lyrics are open for interpretation. Sometimes it is best to just be direct and simple in what you say.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Breathing again...
So I've had a case of insomnia since I was a kid in the single digits. I finally went to a psychiatrist after years of dealing with loopy doctors or PAs, and she prescribed Zolpidem (AKA Ambien CR). I have never in my life slept more than 4 to 5 hours 5 days in a row. So clearly life is good. Do you know there was a pile of 5 loads of laundry sitting on my couch for 3 days and I didn't care? Well...that's not true. I cared. But I didn't do anything about it, which, if you know me, you might think an alien came down and hijacked my mind. I tried to explain it to Josh tonight... basically it's been like running on adrenaline during the day, and crashing at night only to find things quiet and calm enough to think about what actually matters...but being jealous and generally disturbed by the monstrous snores of your lovely spouse, or the uncanny fact that you are not sleeping and want to. So now that I sleep, the days are like a winding back road. So different.
Speaking of near perfect...
This weekend was sweet. Friday night, Josh took Kane to the park to play soccer and they went to visit my mother-in-law, who filled them with yummies, while I hung out with Parker and tackled some much needed domestic duties (YES, I actually enjoyed myself. My house likes me too.) We put the kids down, watched Fringe, and played Phase 10. I won. I never win. So it was a good start to the weekend for my hubby :o) Saturday we woke up early and I went grocery shopping for the week and managed to stick to the budget...wow. Josh got the lawn mowed and trimmed back the giant tree limbs sneaking between our fence planks. Kane had a soccer game around noon, which was just in time for the weather to approach AWESOME. We watched him fuss, get over his fuss, do a funny run with his elbows straight out, attempt to kick the ball but flip backwards mid-air, and whitness his coach acting like Air Bud. Hilarious. During nap time I delved head-over-heels into lesson plans (something I haven't done on a Saturday in months)...but football and cold ones made that kinda fun. Yep, that's right, I said FUN. Saturday night, when our Red Box movie flopped, we watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall for like the 7th time, and Josh invented "THE RAMEN", which is a sound you have to make while crushing the dry noodles into a bowl because otherwise they just won't cook right in the microwave. He also kicked my butt at Skip-Bo. Save for the Skip-Bo unmentionable, this was one of my favorite Saturdays...mostly because he's my best friend, and he makes me laugh like nobody else can, ...plus we have had to spend the majority of our years not together on Saturdays, so I like keeping him to myself and taking advantage of him all day long (oops did I say that outloud? Get out of the gutter). Sunday came and we flew out the door at like 8:50 for a 9 o'clock service...which was a service that made me cry because I saw somebody that changed my world for the better part of a year, make a good choice. We came home and I once again spent my free time with football, cold drinks, and lesson plans. Then we took the kids to the park to play soccer and football...again, such amazing weather. Finally, the sun set and we roasted marshmellows in the fire pit before a dinner of ribs that I slow-cooked all day. Now? Watching football again. I love weekends like this because they are slow but not-so-slow. I love weekends like this because they are predominantly spent at home with my family. I love weekends like this because they are not demanding and they are not filled with obligations...just things we want to do to keep rolling down winding back roads.
Speaking of near perfect...
This weekend was sweet. Friday night, Josh took Kane to the park to play soccer and they went to visit my mother-in-law, who filled them with yummies, while I hung out with Parker and tackled some much needed domestic duties (YES, I actually enjoyed myself. My house likes me too.) We put the kids down, watched Fringe, and played Phase 10. I won. I never win. So it was a good start to the weekend for my hubby :o) Saturday we woke up early and I went grocery shopping for the week and managed to stick to the budget...wow. Josh got the lawn mowed and trimmed back the giant tree limbs sneaking between our fence planks. Kane had a soccer game around noon, which was just in time for the weather to approach AWESOME. We watched him fuss, get over his fuss, do a funny run with his elbows straight out, attempt to kick the ball but flip backwards mid-air, and whitness his coach acting like Air Bud. Hilarious. During nap time I delved head-over-heels into lesson plans (something I haven't done on a Saturday in months)...but football and cold ones made that kinda fun. Yep, that's right, I said FUN. Saturday night, when our Red Box movie flopped, we watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall for like the 7th time, and Josh invented "THE RAMEN", which is a sound you have to make while crushing the dry noodles into a bowl because otherwise they just won't cook right in the microwave. He also kicked my butt at Skip-Bo. Save for the Skip-Bo unmentionable, this was one of my favorite Saturdays...mostly because he's my best friend, and he makes me laugh like nobody else can, ...plus we have had to spend the majority of our years not together on Saturdays, so I like keeping him to myself and taking advantage of him all day long (oops did I say that outloud? Get out of the gutter). Sunday came and we flew out the door at like 8:50 for a 9 o'clock service...which was a service that made me cry because I saw somebody that changed my world for the better part of a year, make a good choice. We came home and I once again spent my free time with football, cold drinks, and lesson plans. Then we took the kids to the park to play soccer and football...again, such amazing weather. Finally, the sun set and we roasted marshmellows in the fire pit before a dinner of ribs that I slow-cooked all day. Now? Watching football again. I love weekends like this because they are slow but not-so-slow. I love weekends like this because they are predominantly spent at home with my family. I love weekends like this because they are not demanding and they are not filled with obligations...just things we want to do to keep rolling down winding back roads.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
To be a man
I started a class tonight at the church we've been attending, the class is aptly named Mens Fraternity. Before you think it the answer is no we do not meet in the woods and beat drums, group hunt small animals or play drinking games. We also don't sit around complaining about our wifes, jobs, sports or kids. The class is for men and for helping us to define who we are suppose to be biblically. I'm not going to write a long explaination of my first meeting or try to put in words the emotions it evoked. I am going to say without knowing the answer myself that I challenge you to try to define a "man" while rejecting what the world has told us or our fathers. The fact that no one can give a compelling definition that makes men want to rise up to that meaning should teach you the necessity of the class.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Is this rational?
I would start off by saying that the average American right now has a healthy and founded fear of where our economy is, where is it headed and where it isn't headed. All that being said I still can not discern whether or not my fear is rational or not. You see I like most Americans have an addiction to "news". I try to diversify what I listen to, read or watch in order to maintain a balance between what would be considered mainstream and what is a secondary source so that I may also diversify the level of "concentrated topic" I recieve. Regardless of the venue it seems that more so then ever there is a large focus on not just our economy but the world economy and it's state of disarray. The problem is that here recently I've been more heavily burdened by these reports and what it means for my family. You see I grew up listening to grandparents who were children themselves during the Great Depression but I don't think any of us can truely understand what that era of American history was like to live through. You obviously can tell why I bring it up because from my perspective I can only see us heading in that same direction.
I look to signs and signals in the economy to help me make sure I stay ahead of the fall but it just looks to be degrading too far too fast. Like the years prior to the Depression America's debts have far outreached their income on both private and federal fronts. The "true" unemployment rate hovers between 20 and 25 percent almost matching exactly Depression era levels. America like other countries are looking to jobs and "wasteful spending" for the cuts necessary but we spend so much that cuts, well just won't cut it. So what do we do?
I wish I could say that unlike most American's I'm eliminating my debts, owing nothing on my house or cars so in the event I'm not able to pay for things I'll still have what I own in my possession but the reality is we're not entirely there. We're maybe three years into home ownership and while we did put money down we also did a 30 year mortgage and are no where near the point of owning our home "free and clear" and while we may very where have our cars paid off here soon, who's to say that economy wouldn't force one of us out of the job first.
I usually write from a place of experience, of having some knowing of what I'm discussing or even a "how-to" for a situation or task but I really don't know what to do myself in this place America has found itself in. In truth I've purchased more ammo and tried to be more proficient with a shot for hunting reasons only, and we've really tried to adhere to specific budgets in preperation for a time when we will have to be familar with the habit but also to try to save as much as possible now. I really don't know how rational I'm being in feeling so hopeless about the state of things but the fact that I am so weighed down has to lend credence to this mindset. I can only place my faith in God and pray to have him see us through this dark period, no matter how long it last.
I look to signs and signals in the economy to help me make sure I stay ahead of the fall but it just looks to be degrading too far too fast. Like the years prior to the Depression America's debts have far outreached their income on both private and federal fronts. The "true" unemployment rate hovers between 20 and 25 percent almost matching exactly Depression era levels. America like other countries are looking to jobs and "wasteful spending" for the cuts necessary but we spend so much that cuts, well just won't cut it. So what do we do?
I wish I could say that unlike most American's I'm eliminating my debts, owing nothing on my house or cars so in the event I'm not able to pay for things I'll still have what I own in my possession but the reality is we're not entirely there. We're maybe three years into home ownership and while we did put money down we also did a 30 year mortgage and are no where near the point of owning our home "free and clear" and while we may very where have our cars paid off here soon, who's to say that economy wouldn't force one of us out of the job first.
I usually write from a place of experience, of having some knowing of what I'm discussing or even a "how-to" for a situation or task but I really don't know what to do myself in this place America has found itself in. In truth I've purchased more ammo and tried to be more proficient with a shot for hunting reasons only, and we've really tried to adhere to specific budgets in preperation for a time when we will have to be familar with the habit but also to try to save as much as possible now. I really don't know how rational I'm being in feeling so hopeless about the state of things but the fact that I am so weighed down has to lend credence to this mindset. I can only place my faith in God and pray to have him see us through this dark period, no matter how long it last.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
The First 48 - An ADHD Tale
For those of you that don't already know, several weeks ago a councilor told me I had ADHD. He read off 25 classic symptons of ADHD from the DSM(Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) and of those 25 I exhibited 23 that I could recall without hesitation or prethought on the sympton. This previous Thursday I went to see a psychiatrist who prescibed to me Adderall a stimulant used in the treatment of ADHD. I was so excited to get it I tried Thursday night at Walgreens who was out, Friday morning at Walmart who didn't open until 9AM, Friday at lunch who was closed for lunch and finally Friday after work in the pouring rain and the following account of my weekend is why.
I am a new man starting Friday afternoon or rather I feel I am. I take the medicine as soon as I get home. It's my night to cook so the delay works in my favor. As it takes effect I am sitting at the table with my wife and son. I'm able to follow my wife's conversation and not look away. I'm not distracted by my three year old insisting on telling me some fact he wished to repeat over and over again. To give context to this miracle you must know that for the entirety of a life I can remember I've never been able to look anyone in the face for very long. To further illustrate this point my wife and I had a date two weeks back at Firebirds at a small table facing each other and I was so hurt that I could not stare directly at her for more then say 120 seconds dispite my best efforts. At some point I tell my wife how excited I am because it's been over four minutes and I've not had the urge to look around or check my phone or respond to my son once. I was able to engulf myself in her beautiful face and the words of her day. She cries, I wish I could say over joyed with my new ability but more overburdened by what must have felt to be a lifetime of inattentiveness and I can only guess what she assumed was just me not caring. My words are not affected by her feelings or suddle nuances of her face, I am coherent and clear in my word selection and say what I mean to say. I feel like a three year old who has just been able to speak like Robert Frost. She goes to put Parker to bed, I stay with Kane. I help him continue with his dinner by continually redirecting him back to his food. I'm not distracted by his singing or his unconscious ability to continually throw me off the task at hand. He responds well and eats everything off his plate with the exception of carrots and green beans but managed to eat half of a third pound turkey burger, 1/4 cup of backed beans and probably 6 grapes. In this instance the devil is in the details, the fact that I can remember this is remarkable. Previously I couldn't tell you the majority of what I did in a day and in an instant I was now mentally present in the world I was physically in and could recount the majority of it. I put my son to bed as my wife goes to work out even though she doesn't need to. I am amazed that I'm not frustrated by his need to give me lengthy explainations for any and everything and for the most part the night has gone off without incident, certainly a first time in a while. I read a book to him and am able to read visually the next line as I'm speaking the last, a talent I had not had before. Imagine how Peter Parker first felt when learning he could climb a wall, I wanted to read large books in a single night. I was excited to read a book, for any of you that know me this in itself should prove the significance of this event. I go into the room and begin to explain my new found state of mind to Shannon, she starts to cry again and I can only guess at that moment because she has missed this for so long and for so long it's steered our relationship. The constant bickering about not doing what I committed to, or forgetting what was said or not paying attention to important conversations. Once again I'm able to remain calm and not have what I'm saying affected by her emotional response, an attribute I've learned is key in most any interaction now. It's one thing to me empathetic, it's another to be symbiotic and almost controlled by someone else's feeling as if they are you own. In a winfall of emotion I sob uncontrollably. I think of my life's missed opportunity, the pain I've put family and friends through against my will, the cage of chaos I was trapped in. I break down recounting failed friendships and arguing matches with Shannon. I recall images of her frustration and specifically how her face looks when "I've done it again". We work through the emotion and I go out for beer, a movie and skittles for Shannon, they are her favorite, all three.
The next morning Shannon has to go grocery shopping while I take care of the kids. While she is gone I get the clothes folded and put away. I'm able to sand and paint parts of the walls that have been on my list of things to get done. I make my bed and put away clothes left out the night before. I clean out all the dishes in the drying rack. I take out the trash. I feed the kids and put Parker down for a nap. I wash down the counters. It's important to stop for a moment and tell you I wasn't responsible for anything I've done at this point except for maybe the paint and the kids because well they have to eat but they were task that needed to get done. I know some of you may scoff at this, may assume it's me trying to suck up to my wife or go above and beyond to prove that the reason I didn't do these things all along was the ADHD. In short it was, I wasn't able to look around the room and see the task that had to be completed only observe what was where it was. You'd have to be me to understand what that means. My wife comes home and doesn't say much but I don't expect a parade or trophy but she does thank me. I lament to her later how I felt, how good it felt to have done so much and not feel like I had to but rather that I wanted to because it needed to happen. She crys again, I'm not doing so hot this weekend am I? She tells me it's good to know she wasn't crazy, it wasn't unrealistic to expect these things and be frustrated by my lack of commitment and what felt like pulling all the weight. She soon regains composure and we go about our business. We take Kane to soccer, we stop and get him McDonalds after what turned out to be a wonder game he participated in. My wife runs to the tailor, when she returned I run up to Perrys and don't spend countless hours wandering around "shopping". I get what I need and come back. I start working on more things that need to get done because she is now napping. She wakes up and we talk more about the day and she goes off with a friend of ours to the movies. I get the kids up and ready, we play and hang out and I get them feed and dressed for my mothers. We drop the kids off and go on a "date" to Buffalo Wild Wings to watch UNC shut down ECU. It is a glorious time, I laugh and have fun with her, I enjoy her company, I listen to her day and her stories and I ask relavent questions in response. I interact with people around us and piss off two ECU alumni girls by asking for a high five after UNC scores it's second touch down. We wrap up the night, 12 wings and 2 servings of corn dogs later and go home for the night after picking up the kids.
Today I woke up and took on several more task after sleeping in a bit and then feeding the kids. I fix door knobs and dresser handles I haven't addressed in months and paint some more. I leave to help my mother in law and her husband move his mother into a retirement community. We make several trips, I remain calculated and still retain the ability to discern the best case scenario quickly but am able to focus and quickly move through the labor. I come home, more football, dinner, class at church and now home again.
Shannon and I talk about the class we just attended on contemporary Christian issues and as we're wrapping up I start a line with "I'm coming down from my medicine" she responds with a line that only reflects the emotions she's been accosted by over the years and the triggers she's aquired because of it. I recongize this as a highly charged situation and decide to write out what I was about to say. She goes to bed, sometimes it's best just to take a time out.
It's now 10:19. I haven't had much trouble in writing this at all. Occasionally I switch to my Google tab in my browser to search for the correct spelling of a word that doesn't look right on my screen. I haven't wandered to tommorow's events or Alt-Tabed back to google to check my mail or look up something that caught my train of thought. Apparently I'm not coming down from my medicine like I thought I was, I thought I only got four good hours but I'm thinking it's more like 6 plus. I guess I should write a disclaimer in now, I am not now Spider Man. I still am able to get distracted, and still can be forgetful about where I put my beer although now I remember "Oh I left it in the bathroom". My hand writing hasn't improved and as best I can tell neither has my writing. I'm not some super cleaner who can task without stopping or life getting in the way I'm just able to get back to what I was doing now without having forgot. I still make jokes nervously, rehearse conversations in my head and impulsively tell people "the truth" although I'll admit a bit more filtered now.
These next lines may ring cliche to a few of you but if you or someone you know is possibly battling similar symptons I urge you to consult a local psychiatrist or assist them. You aren't crazy, you aren't dumb or lazy, you just need help. In my spare time this weekend I had raced through the possibilities I felt were opened to me now, I've wanted to experience everything over again with my new found focus. I was once a disbeliever in this "fad" and just believed I was different but I see now that I needed help. If this weekend has been any indication as to how drastically my life can be changed for the better then I would even go so far as to beg anyone possibly suffering with this to get help, you deserve to unchain yourself from the restraints of ADHD or ADD. My experience may be different from yours and so will my symptons but hopefully not the outcome. Thanks for reading guys, I hope this helps someone and most of all thank you Shannon. You've put up with so much over the years, you've fought a battle with someone who didn't know he was in a war. You've sliped up and because you are human you've erred, but I love you for still being upstairs waiting for me to come to bed. As long as I can I will work against this and take medicine to help me release the husband, father and person I know I can be now.
I am a new man starting Friday afternoon or rather I feel I am. I take the medicine as soon as I get home. It's my night to cook so the delay works in my favor. As it takes effect I am sitting at the table with my wife and son. I'm able to follow my wife's conversation and not look away. I'm not distracted by my three year old insisting on telling me some fact he wished to repeat over and over again. To give context to this miracle you must know that for the entirety of a life I can remember I've never been able to look anyone in the face for very long. To further illustrate this point my wife and I had a date two weeks back at Firebirds at a small table facing each other and I was so hurt that I could not stare directly at her for more then say 120 seconds dispite my best efforts. At some point I tell my wife how excited I am because it's been over four minutes and I've not had the urge to look around or check my phone or respond to my son once. I was able to engulf myself in her beautiful face and the words of her day. She cries, I wish I could say over joyed with my new ability but more overburdened by what must have felt to be a lifetime of inattentiveness and I can only guess what she assumed was just me not caring. My words are not affected by her feelings or suddle nuances of her face, I am coherent and clear in my word selection and say what I mean to say. I feel like a three year old who has just been able to speak like Robert Frost. She goes to put Parker to bed, I stay with Kane. I help him continue with his dinner by continually redirecting him back to his food. I'm not distracted by his singing or his unconscious ability to continually throw me off the task at hand. He responds well and eats everything off his plate with the exception of carrots and green beans but managed to eat half of a third pound turkey burger, 1/4 cup of backed beans and probably 6 grapes. In this instance the devil is in the details, the fact that I can remember this is remarkable. Previously I couldn't tell you the majority of what I did in a day and in an instant I was now mentally present in the world I was physically in and could recount the majority of it. I put my son to bed as my wife goes to work out even though she doesn't need to. I am amazed that I'm not frustrated by his need to give me lengthy explainations for any and everything and for the most part the night has gone off without incident, certainly a first time in a while. I read a book to him and am able to read visually the next line as I'm speaking the last, a talent I had not had before. Imagine how Peter Parker first felt when learning he could climb a wall, I wanted to read large books in a single night. I was excited to read a book, for any of you that know me this in itself should prove the significance of this event. I go into the room and begin to explain my new found state of mind to Shannon, she starts to cry again and I can only guess at that moment because she has missed this for so long and for so long it's steered our relationship. The constant bickering about not doing what I committed to, or forgetting what was said or not paying attention to important conversations. Once again I'm able to remain calm and not have what I'm saying affected by her emotional response, an attribute I've learned is key in most any interaction now. It's one thing to me empathetic, it's another to be symbiotic and almost controlled by someone else's feeling as if they are you own. In a winfall of emotion I sob uncontrollably. I think of my life's missed opportunity, the pain I've put family and friends through against my will, the cage of chaos I was trapped in. I break down recounting failed friendships and arguing matches with Shannon. I recall images of her frustration and specifically how her face looks when "I've done it again". We work through the emotion and I go out for beer, a movie and skittles for Shannon, they are her favorite, all three.
The next morning Shannon has to go grocery shopping while I take care of the kids. While she is gone I get the clothes folded and put away. I'm able to sand and paint parts of the walls that have been on my list of things to get done. I make my bed and put away clothes left out the night before. I clean out all the dishes in the drying rack. I take out the trash. I feed the kids and put Parker down for a nap. I wash down the counters. It's important to stop for a moment and tell you I wasn't responsible for anything I've done at this point except for maybe the paint and the kids because well they have to eat but they were task that needed to get done. I know some of you may scoff at this, may assume it's me trying to suck up to my wife or go above and beyond to prove that the reason I didn't do these things all along was the ADHD. In short it was, I wasn't able to look around the room and see the task that had to be completed only observe what was where it was. You'd have to be me to understand what that means. My wife comes home and doesn't say much but I don't expect a parade or trophy but she does thank me. I lament to her later how I felt, how good it felt to have done so much and not feel like I had to but rather that I wanted to because it needed to happen. She crys again, I'm not doing so hot this weekend am I? She tells me it's good to know she wasn't crazy, it wasn't unrealistic to expect these things and be frustrated by my lack of commitment and what felt like pulling all the weight. She soon regains composure and we go about our business. We take Kane to soccer, we stop and get him McDonalds after what turned out to be a wonder game he participated in. My wife runs to the tailor, when she returned I run up to Perrys and don't spend countless hours wandering around "shopping". I get what I need and come back. I start working on more things that need to get done because she is now napping. She wakes up and we talk more about the day and she goes off with a friend of ours to the movies. I get the kids up and ready, we play and hang out and I get them feed and dressed for my mothers. We drop the kids off and go on a "date" to Buffalo Wild Wings to watch UNC shut down ECU. It is a glorious time, I laugh and have fun with her, I enjoy her company, I listen to her day and her stories and I ask relavent questions in response. I interact with people around us and piss off two ECU alumni girls by asking for a high five after UNC scores it's second touch down. We wrap up the night, 12 wings and 2 servings of corn dogs later and go home for the night after picking up the kids.
Today I woke up and took on several more task after sleeping in a bit and then feeding the kids. I fix door knobs and dresser handles I haven't addressed in months and paint some more. I leave to help my mother in law and her husband move his mother into a retirement community. We make several trips, I remain calculated and still retain the ability to discern the best case scenario quickly but am able to focus and quickly move through the labor. I come home, more football, dinner, class at church and now home again.
Shannon and I talk about the class we just attended on contemporary Christian issues and as we're wrapping up I start a line with "I'm coming down from my medicine" she responds with a line that only reflects the emotions she's been accosted by over the years and the triggers she's aquired because of it. I recongize this as a highly charged situation and decide to write out what I was about to say. She goes to bed, sometimes it's best just to take a time out.
It's now 10:19. I haven't had much trouble in writing this at all. Occasionally I switch to my Google tab in my browser to search for the correct spelling of a word that doesn't look right on my screen. I haven't wandered to tommorow's events or Alt-Tabed back to google to check my mail or look up something that caught my train of thought. Apparently I'm not coming down from my medicine like I thought I was, I thought I only got four good hours but I'm thinking it's more like 6 plus. I guess I should write a disclaimer in now, I am not now Spider Man. I still am able to get distracted, and still can be forgetful about where I put my beer although now I remember "Oh I left it in the bathroom". My hand writing hasn't improved and as best I can tell neither has my writing. I'm not some super cleaner who can task without stopping or life getting in the way I'm just able to get back to what I was doing now without having forgot. I still make jokes nervously, rehearse conversations in my head and impulsively tell people "the truth" although I'll admit a bit more filtered now.
These next lines may ring cliche to a few of you but if you or someone you know is possibly battling similar symptons I urge you to consult a local psychiatrist or assist them. You aren't crazy, you aren't dumb or lazy, you just need help. In my spare time this weekend I had raced through the possibilities I felt were opened to me now, I've wanted to experience everything over again with my new found focus. I was once a disbeliever in this "fad" and just believed I was different but I see now that I needed help. If this weekend has been any indication as to how drastically my life can be changed for the better then I would even go so far as to beg anyone possibly suffering with this to get help, you deserve to unchain yourself from the restraints of ADHD or ADD. My experience may be different from yours and so will my symptons but hopefully not the outcome. Thanks for reading guys, I hope this helps someone and most of all thank you Shannon. You've put up with so much over the years, you've fought a battle with someone who didn't know he was in a war. You've sliped up and because you are human you've erred, but I love you for still being upstairs waiting for me to come to bed. As long as I can I will work against this and take medicine to help me release the husband, father and person I know I can be now.
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