I can do this.

About a year ago someone told me to stop fighting what I wanted ... and to just let things fall where they fell.  So I did.  But then I fell, and it hurt.  It still hurts.  I have wrestled with the scrapes and scabs ever since and I guess I just kindof kept picking at the wounds off and on, pretending like I was healing...  Then I had a few spots of skin cancer removed... then my uncle was diagnosed with throat cancer... and there's more... I mean it just goes on and on, but I guess those are the two things that made me wake up.  Because my family needs me, and I need them.  So. I AM going to fight.  I am going to fight for what I believe is right... even if it isn't always what I want.  I'm just sorry for what I lost in not realizing that like a year ago.   

Parker

Parker's first Christmas is coming.  It is crazy that he will be 3 days shy of a year on Christmas.  Crazy that we drove thru snow and ice in my step-dad's truck to get to the hospital at 2am.  Crazy how much I was determined not to have an epidural.  Crazy how I've sacrificed my relationship with him for almost a year now....because I was too busy with other things. I didn't pass National Boards.  And today everything that's happened over the past few months made National Boards the trigger for what I'll just call "a fit of humility".  An absolute total fit.  So thank God for the opportunity for a re-do of 2011.  Soooooo..... done.