Food Lion

I was leaving church when one of the other members stopped in to tell us there had been a shooting at the local Food Lion in town. We were told the shooter was still at large. What must of looked typical of small town residents the men quickly called their families to share the news and instruct them to lock the doors. I followed suit as well. On the way home I drove past a house with several cop cars surrounding it and no flashing lights. I found out later the gun man was suspected to have been holding up in the house which apparently wasn't the case.

As I got home my wife and I talked about it some more and even called neighbors to see if they knew of anything. We watched a news clip and when a local cashier came on to tell his side of the event we in unison said "I know him". I guess that was the shock of it all, in what most would consider cliche that same cashier's mother was later filmed crying and could only muster the strength to say "This type of thing just doesn't happen", she stopped short of "here". I don't know if she was realizing it does and did happen here or just couldn't finish the sentence. I can't speak for my wife but I do know I was a little uneasy as we lay in the living room watching TV. This sort of thing had only happen to me once before as a middle school child. I had came home after school to hear on the news a man with a knife had been spotted running through a neighborhood behind mine. It's a scary feeling and in some ways a bit silly I guess, to know a senseless act has just occurred in your home town and the perpetrator is still at large. The probability of that said monster breaking into your home and yet you still feel vulnerable and in some ways violated. All the same I passed out on my couch for a night of sleep.

Today I had to stop in and pick up some food for the dogs and pumpkin for the puppy, she's not feeling well. We only have two grocery stores in town and as I am partial to Food Lion. I've never stepped foot in the other, to me it's too foreign now to switch. I pulled in the parking lot not sure of how I would act. My wife had said it looked busy when she passed and so "was safe". Why did that statement seem so ridicules and yet appropriate now? As I stepped out of my car I wondered if my dress shirt and pants would make me look like a reporter. I had never worried about that before. As I walked up to the front door I just felt out of place. This store was no different physically then it was two days ago for the same pumpkin run. Now though the lights seemed brighter and oddly there seemed to be more staff. As I walked the isles there were men, barely old enough to be called that stocking shelves together, joking and laughing. I crossed to another isle and caught glimpse of a group of cashiers standing with the front end manager and one of the shift or store managers, they too were laughing. Had three people not been shot here the day before? Should I be happy these people seemingly were able to cope with this new reality. Was this not as momentous as it seemed? I had forgotten a cart or hand basket and so you can imagine my walk up to the register with four cans of chicken, 3 cans of pumpkin and a 30lb bag of dog food made me look pretty comical. I didn't recognize the girl at the register, I'm guessing she was new. She made a comment about dog's eating more then us and I remarked something about how the bag wouldn't make it through a week. I had wrestled with whether to ask what had happened, I could see a boy telling the story at another register. At least he was animated about whatever he was talking about as if telling a tale of knights and dragons. I presented my MVP card so I wouldn't miss out on my "dealz" as the cashier reminded me and I paid for my loads of dog food.

As I gathered up my food now thankfully in a bag and tossed the 30lbs over my shoulder I turned around to walk out and that's when I caught glimpse of her. A security guard. In that instant I caught her eye and she shot back a cocked smile to be polite but that almost seemed to say "I'm not sure why I'm here either". She was a late 20's African American female with what looked like a freshly pressed or brand new security guard uniform. She looked as awkward as I would at her family reunion. I kept walking, almost faster as if the presence of the security guard had changed the atmosphere and I wanted to get out faster. As I loaded up the car and got in I thought "Did all of this really happen?"

The answer is "yes" it did, in an instant a small town was rocked by what was essentially a horrible domestic dispute and the details didn't help the case. Two African American males who worked together and were "partners" as the news seemed to make a point to continually reference. As if there wasn't enough gossip around the incident. Wendell has roughly the population of 7 thousand people and this type of thing does change a town this small. As patrons of the store we did wonder if it could of been us, for God's sake there's only two grocery stores actually in town. I will probably forget about the shooting after awhile and continue on with living here the same as I always have but for now I have to say like so many grieving witnesses and shocked residents before me despite knowing it's not true. "These things just don't happen here".

Things I Adore!

My husband. His eyes.  How he shaves, and then an hour later needs to shave again.  The way he fixes my car in the dark...over and over and over again...Our children.  A "happy bowl".  "Can you get me more dressed?" All things Christmas.  My team at work.  Pirate football.  All things ECU.  State games...especially tailgaiting.  Baking with my mom.  Drinking with my dad.  My dad...and his home in Verona.  Poker with Lex.  Baths.  Books.  Fires on cold wet winter nights.  Autumn.  Kids.  Blowing Rock in October.  Small cabins.  Playing cards with Josh. Movies.  Teaching.  Animals (most of them).  Coloring.  Painting.  Pottery.  Church.  Antiques.  Geneology.  Geology.  MacGyver.  Music.  Old trucks.  Writing.  Europe.  The beach.  The mountains.  Pizza.  Steak.  Ribs.  Corn on the cob and turkey legs from the fair. The fair.  Road Trips.  Bad Teacher.  Forgetting Sarah Marshall.  Superbad.  Harry Potter.  Lord of the Rings.  Coolers full of drinks.  The pool.  Classic rock.  Thunderstorms.  Chips and dip.  Seafood.  Summer nights.  Star studded skies.  Camping.  Long walks.  Great pictures.  Letters in the mail.  Crime shows.  Sailing.  Surf fishing.  Boating.  Kayaking.  Running.  70 degree weather.  Sleep.  Research.  Hilsbourough St.  Ice cream.  Smart people.  Old people.  Make-up.  Sensual Amber lotion.  Nail polish.  Braids.  Watching sports.  Watching people.  The mall.  Pink.  Red.  Skittles.  Coke.  Old t-shirts. Bdubs.  Cookouts.  Fireworks.  Sunflowers.  Family.  Roses. Cigars.  Chocolate.  "The Thinking Spot".  Rock hopping in Montreat. Montreat.  The Dominican Republic.  Barcelona.  Rome.  WRPC.  PCM.  CBC. YMCA.  Windy days.  Kites.  Saying the Pledge of Allegiance every morning.  Praying.  Scripture.  Studying with Josh.  Libraries.  "The House"  My dogs.  My cat.  Dwarf siberian hamsters.  Balloons.  Trampolenes.  Payday.  Sports bars for football with Josh.  Tats. Pedicures. Going to college. Foot rubs. Sons of Guns. Popcorn Jelly Belly beans.  Cinnamon buns.   Big breakfasts.  Snow.  Lava lamps.  Collecting seashells.  Wearing Josh's clothes on nights and weekends.  His smell. Parker's hair.  Kane's eyes.  "Mommy, I love you so very much in the whole world."  America.  scarves.  Milkshakes. Savannah.  Tybee Island.  Girl scout camp.  Ring pops. Dirt roads.  Coffee.  Hot chocolate.  Hot tea.  Sweet tea. Sprite. Dolphins.  Carebears.  Cooking.  Ramen.  New haircuts.  New shoes.  New clothes.  Earrings.  Country music.  Horror movies.  Climbing trees.  Swings.  Playing with the boys. Lake Hickory.  2 dollar bills.  50 cent pieces.  Sweet dreams.

I can do this.

About a year ago someone told me to stop fighting what I wanted ... and to just let things fall where they fell.  So I did.  But then I fell, and it hurt.  It still hurts.  I have wrestled with the scrapes and scabs ever since and I guess I just kindof kept picking at the wounds off and on, pretending like I was healing...  Then I had a few spots of skin cancer removed... then my uncle was diagnosed with throat cancer... and there's more... I mean it just goes on and on, but I guess those are the two things that made me wake up.  Because my family needs me, and I need them.  So. I AM going to fight.  I am going to fight for what I believe is right... even if it isn't always what I want.  I'm just sorry for what I lost in not realizing that like a year ago.   

Parker

Parker's first Christmas is coming.  It is crazy that he will be 3 days shy of a year on Christmas.  Crazy that we drove thru snow and ice in my step-dad's truck to get to the hospital at 2am.  Crazy how much I was determined not to have an epidural.  Crazy how I've sacrificed my relationship with him for almost a year now....because I was too busy with other things. I didn't pass National Boards.  And today everything that's happened over the past few months made National Boards the trigger for what I'll just call "a fit of humility".  An absolute total fit.  So thank God for the opportunity for a re-do of 2011.  Soooooo..... done.

A good weekend and...

To fill you in on a few things over the past few weeks. Kane had a great week last week after his teacher suggested we let him bring JoJo to coherce him into making better choices, so apparently his love of JoJo makes him more managable. Apparently his love of JoJo(his pet stuffed bear) gives him a gentle push in the direction of the choice that doesn't find him sitting in time out in school. I guess he could care less if he is in timeout, but the same is not true if JoJo is threatened with time out.

Shannon botched a suprise puppy and so we ended up bringing the newest member of the family home early, an 8 week old German Shepard/Siberian Husky mix we have named Sascha which means "defender of mankind". I can say that so far the name fits the personality as she is larger then life like most puppies. As I speak she's dragging Shannon's planner away and attacking the pen in her hand, after Shannon removed the planner from in front of her to the couch Sascha went back to the pen. It too is now on the couch and Sascha's mouth has been relocated in a toy knot for now. The other dogs tolerate her but barely, no blood or continious yelping but lots of growls and general dog speak for "stop bothering me". By the time I finished this Sascha had given up on the toy knot and gone to Shannon's left foot.

I've learned that though my mind works in melting pot of metaphors, analogies, idioms and imagery the rest of the world speaks English and the meaning of my analogies isn't always so clear to them. It's hard to explain but here recently I was asked to describe how I felt about something and I responded "it's hard to say, the feeling is like a whisper in a large room". To me it was obvious the feeling seemed so far away it was hard for me to recongize what it was like a whisper in a large room. What I learned is that the person I was talking to didn't come to the same meaning. I guess that's why poetry and song lyrics are open for interpretation. Sometimes it is best to just be direct and simple in what you say.

Breathing again...

So I've had a case of insomnia since I was a kid in the single digits.  I finally went to a psychiatrist after years of dealing with loopy doctors or PAs, and she prescribed Zolpidem (AKA Ambien CR).  I have never in my life slept more than 4 to 5 hours 5 days in a row.  So clearly life is good.  Do you know there was a pile of 5 loads of laundry sitting on my couch for 3 days and I didn't care?  Well...that's not true.  I cared.  But I didn't do anything about it, which, if you know me, you might think an alien came down and hijacked my mind.  I tried to explain it to Josh tonight... basically it's been like running on adrenaline during the day, and crashing at night only to find things quiet and calm enough to think about what actually matters...but being jealous and generally disturbed by the monstrous snores of your lovely spouse, or the uncanny fact that you are not sleeping and want to.  So now that I sleep, the days are like a winding back road.  So different.
Speaking of near perfect...
This weekend was sweet.  Friday night, Josh took Kane to the park to play soccer and they went to visit my mother-in-law, who filled them with yummies, while I hung out with Parker and tackled some much needed domestic duties (YES, I actually enjoyed myself.  My house likes me too.)  We put the kids down, watched Fringe, and played Phase 10.  I won.  I never win.  So it was a good start to the weekend for my hubby :o)  Saturday we woke up early and I went grocery shopping for the week and managed to stick to the budget...wow.  Josh got the lawn mowed and trimmed back the giant tree limbs sneaking between our fence planks.  Kane had a soccer game around noon, which was just in time for the weather to approach AWESOME.  We watched him fuss, get over his fuss,  do a funny run with his elbows straight out, attempt to kick the ball but flip backwards mid-air, and whitness his coach acting like Air Bud.  Hilarious.  During nap time I delved head-over-heels into lesson plans (something I haven't done on a Saturday in months)...but football and cold ones made that kinda fun.  Yep, that's right, I said FUN.  Saturday night, when our Red Box movie flopped, we watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall for like the 7th time, and Josh invented "THE RAMEN", which is a sound you have to make while crushing the dry noodles into a bowl because otherwise they just won't cook right in the microwave.  He also kicked my butt at Skip-Bo.  Save for the Skip-Bo unmentionable, this was one of my favorite Saturdays...mostly because he's my best friend, and he makes me laugh like nobody else can, ...plus we have had to spend the majority of our years not together on Saturdays, so I like keeping him to myself and taking advantage of him all day long (oops did I say that outloud? Get out of the gutter).  Sunday came and we flew out the door at like 8:50 for a 9 o'clock service...which was a service that made me cry because I saw somebody that changed my world for the better part of a year, make a good choice.  We came home and I once again spent my free time with football, cold drinks, and lesson plans.  Then we took the kids to the park to play soccer and football...again, such amazing weather.  Finally, the sun set and we roasted marshmellows in the fire pit before a dinner of ribs that I slow-cooked all day.  Now?  Watching football again.  I love weekends like this because they are slow but not-so-slow.  I love weekends like this because they are predominantly spent at home with my family.  I love weekends like this because they are not demanding and they are not filled with obligations...just things we want to do to keep rolling down winding back roads.

To be a man

I started a class tonight at the church we've been attending, the class is aptly named Mens Fraternity. Before you think it the answer is no we do not meet in the woods and beat drums, group hunt small animals or play drinking games. We also don't sit around complaining about our wifes, jobs, sports or kids. The class is for men and for helping us to define who we are suppose to be biblically. I'm not going to write a long explaination of my first meeting or try to put in words the emotions it evoked. I am going to say without knowing the answer myself that I challenge you to try to define a "man" while rejecting what the world has told us or our fathers. The fact that no one can give a compelling definition that makes men want to rise up to that meaning should teach you the necessity of the class.